“I like you and all, but what are we doing?”
Dating just for fun can be refreshing, no doubt about it. However, we gals for the most part like our relationships to be meaningful and headed somewhere. I see it as a progression up what I call the “Commitment Stairway”.
The friend zone is at the base, then if a romantic relationship develops and deepens, you can become a girlfriend, fiancée and finally a wife. The process of rising from one level to the next is what I call an “upshift”. In my free ebook “The Men’s Commitment Formula” I explain the steps on the commitment stairway and how to give him a reason to want to move up the stairs with you.
Unfortunately, moving through these phases requires communication. There’s nothing worse than being on different steps and not even knowing it. Or being the only one thinking your relationship has the potential to move up. In last week’s video, I shared a few stories of some guerrilla tactics some women considered trying to move up that stairway.
P.S. Even though living together will give you a taste of what marriage would be like, moving in isn’t on the stairway!
I understand the motivation of the ladies in the video clip who were planning on moving in unilaterally. The problem is that just might catapult them into a relationship holding pattern, except they’re now living under the same roof. Plus, there are too many games being played in dating today. We can’t complain about games if we’re playing them too.
We’re not here for the games. Gif via GIPHY
Relationship talks will get you information, but prepare they can go either way
Relationship talks may be uncomfortable, but they’re necessary to avoid wasting your time.
Never assume you know his thoughts about your relationship’s future. When you talk, you might even find out he hasn’t given any thought to it at all. Guess what? Even if he loves you, it doesn’t mean he has any goals at all for your relationship. While relationship progression is our default, relationship inertia seems to be theirs.
Basically, the process goes like this:
1. Explain your heartfelt desire for a deeper level of commitment and ask for his thoughts.
2. Accept any non-YES! answer for what it is (you’re not on the same page). It is what it is. A firm “no” definitely is your cue to start envisioning a future without him because if you proceed with the relationship, it’s now on his terms, vague as they are.
If it’s more of a timing thing, like he explains he’s got goals he’s trying to reach first, then decide how much more time you’re prepared to invest in the relationship before moving on. Keep it to yourself, but act on the deadline when it rolls round. The vacuum, the empty space, the absence of you in his life is what will help cut through his uncertainty and decide if he’s ready to step up to the relationship plate or the next level of commitment, once you’ve put in the time.
Would you like to learn more about how to get a meaningful relationship and The Men’s Commitment Formula? Click here and sign up in the orange box for your free ebook download or the purple box for a one page cheat sheet.
P.S. I’ll be away in China for a week and I’m not sure about the internet/censorship situation. To be safe, I’ve prescheduled a post for next Wednesday.