Negative dating feedback is when a guy’s words or actions don’t say “I’m into you” or typical red flags. Stuff like unreturned calls or statements like, “I’m just out of a relationship.”
Last week I shared a few tips on how not to let your daydreaming about a guy spiral you into heartbreak…tips for FutureThinking responsibly. I hope you enjoyed the infographic I included for easy reference.
Now, FutureThinking responsibly is fantastic, but can’t be a foolproof shield from heartbreak as long as some other culprits are in the vicinity. I’ll call out one now: refusal to accept negative dating feedback.
Basically, it’s a buzzkill.
This is when you’re not ready to heed or process any negative dating feedback that might mess with the Happy Ending of the movie in your head. It’s so sweet and it looks like it might be what you’ve always wanted. It needs to be protected and nurtured!
No haters allowed, not even reality.
Refusal to accept his lack of interest in the joint future you want=heartbreak
The problem with dating is that the process can be halted unilaterally at any time. No matter how much potential you sense or how much you’re vibing on him. In reality, no one is guaranteed a second date, or even a first. I know, it stinks. That’s one reason I recommend cutting contact with guys who don’t show interest in meeting in real life. Or don’t show interest in getting to know you.
The danger is you might start to view his aloofness as a challenge or at the least, start craving his attention or even fall for him.
Newsflash: you don’t need attention from men who don’t need you. Believe that.
No one is immune
Last year the pretty and successful founder of a fashion line- who also hosts a dating podcast-accused a comedian from a popular television show of being a total jerk to her. She claimed he was “so arrogant and so rude and disrespectful” in their text exchange that followed their meeting on a dating app.
Their text exchange was subsequently leaked to a local paper. Reading over them, it appears to me she might have been offended by:
- The difficulty of getting the conversation to flow with him
- The fact that she reached out through texts every so often over 5 months and he hardly ever responded
- When she finally asked if the’d ever meet in real life he texted:“I [don’t] wanna meet up. You text really strange declarations looking for a reaction, and I don’t wanna know what’s the real life equivalent of that.”
Yikes, that hurts!
My pride would be wounded too. But this is a pretty common example of what happens when we ignore negative dating feedback and plow forward with our agenda. This guy knew how to contact her and the fact that he wasn’t is a typical guy’s way of saying’ “I’m not interested or available.”
This guy knew how to contact her and the fact that he wasn’t is every guy’s way of saying’ “I’m not interested or available.”
She’s actually lucky. She didn’t really lose anything except her pride. Sometimes for women, there’s much more at stake. I’ll elaborate next week with a real life case study.
Do you want to know more about what really makes a guy commit?
The Cheat Sheet to the Men’s Commitment Formula
Click here for a cheat sheet that breaks it all down for you. Learn the Men’s Commitment formula and the variables involved.
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