The Complete Beginner’s Guide to the Dating Teflon of Self Love

Here’s the truth about commitment—it means closing off your other options. It’s a road we choose to go down with someone we feel is worth it.

So if a guy likes you, but isn’t into you enough, if he’s not at that tipping point, he won’t commit.

That means you’ve got to proactively pull back from men who are giving you lukewarm feedback. (i.e. heed the signs of “he’s just not that into you”).

Or risk being burned down the line over the time and emotion you wasted on that “jerk”.

Gird your Dating Loins with a bit of Dating Teflon a.k.a. self love

Last week I spoke on why it’s crucial to toughen up your psyche before you start dating.  I call it to “Woman Up”.

This process helps you build your sense of self and helps steady your legs against the fickle, choppy winds of dating. Now, I’m not saying you won’t feel hurt sometimes-but instead of wanting to crumble up and never get out of bed, you’ll have some ice cream, watch Game of Thrones, and carry on with life. Because now you have perspective and you know that everything’s not always about you, what you did or didn’t do.

Judge Judy says it's not all about you!
Judge Judy says it’s not all about you!

There’s  a lot to talk about. I think it starts with self love .

How to Love Yourself? Mother Yourself.


Some don’t exactly know what it means to love yourself. My definition is mothering yourself. Treat you the way you would your own beloved child and you won’t go wrong!

We accept our kids as they are and they don't have to be perfect to be lovable. So should it be for us.Click To Tweet


Show yourself compassion and forgiveness

Don’t constantly beat yourself up over your failings and mistakes…you wouldn’t do that to your child, would you? You’d give her a warning. You should see them as learning experiences, resolve to do better and move on.

Conduct loving interventions

However, by the third time your daughter writes with crayon on the wall, it’s evident she’s going to need help retraining herself. Likewise you should dig deeper and seek help if needed for recurring issues that form a negative pattern in your life. (These patterns are usually noticed first by your friends and family).


Encourage yourself

Try and stay positive  about yourself and your goals. You praise a kid for putting in good effort and they flush with pride and warmth. Focusing on the good in you isn’t arrogant, it’s healthy and infuses your spirit with an attractive vibe that radiates outwards to the world.

Defend yourself

Tell that critical, negative little voice in your head to bugger off by talking back to her. She’s just worried you’ll get used to doing new things without her and she won’t matter as much to you. At least that’s the way I think of her.

Listen to yourself

woman looking to the sky

Just like a child expresses its feelings to its mom, try to develop an awareness of your subconscious reactions to events and heed your feminine intuition. This is feedback from yourself to yourself. Doing this will keep you safer and happier.

Advise yourself as you would your child

If we gave ourselves the advice we gave others, we’d be stronger and more confident in our judgement and be more ready to act on negative relationship feedback instead of hiding our heads in the sand. We’d listen to our guts instead of rationalizing everything away.

Now extend the compassion to your body

You and your body are together till death do you part so loving the good and the bad is great practice for marriage. We women judge our looks so harshly-believe me, no other person is as focused on our flaws as we are!

Feeling positive about yourself can translate into better attitude, posture and grooming which incidentally, are the very first things folks (especially men, those visual creatures) notice about you. So if you receive a compliment, graciously accept it instead of explaining why you don’t deserve it. Catch it firmly in your hand, smile and say, “Thank you.” This is your new truth. Own it.


There are more ingredients to this dating teflon coming up.

Question:  Have you come to accept yourself, flaws and all? What helped you along the way?

Till next time,



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