How FutureThinking can Mess with your Relationship


As women, our relationships with others are always on our minds. We’re prone to what I call “Future Thinking.” This is where our minds fast-forward through the dating phase and imagine what it would feel like to be “Mrs. X.” Before you know it, we’ve got a movie trailer of our future married life running through our heads. It’s based on the rom-com films we love. It’s the movie in our heads that has a happy ending. I call it a ‘Future Fantasy Film Production’:

a woman fantasizing a wedding with her brand new guy
We FutureThink ourselves into a happy ending even if we met last week

We all FutureThink. What’s the problem?

It’s harmless, right? Umm, well, here’s the thing. If done excessively, it can make dates and texts that don’t pan out into anything substantial feel more traumatic than they ought to be. In fact, if we’re being perfectly honest about it, sometimes we’re mourning the lost dream, the untapped potential we sensed, more than the actual relationship.

Because this movie is so enjoyable, there’s also a tendency to sweep red flags about your guy under the rug, or to project on him the qualities you dearly want him to have. Who doesn’t want their happy ending?

In fact, if we’re being perfectly honest about it, we sometimes mourn the lost dream, the potential floating through our heads, more than the actual relationship.

I talked about this in my book speech at the Decatur Book Festival, too.

A guide to FutureThinking responsibly

But here’s the thing. How else is one supposed to decide if there’s a future there? Plus, futurethinking is fun! We’re not about to stop, so I’ve come up with a few guidelines to doing it without totally throwing your relationship GPS off:
avoid heartbreak future think responsibly
If you’ve got other tips that help you keep your imagination from running the show, please share in the comments!
Ciao till next week,







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