Are You a Good Feminist if You Don’t Want to Stay Single?


Should real feminists stay single? 

Not unless you believe you’re a fish and men are bicycles!

Quote by Irina Dunn, art by Ray Troll via










This feminist slogan from the 1960’s shows what many young women grapple with concerning feminism today. They like to think of themselves as strong and empowered and feel a sense of shame that deep down they’d like to have a boyfriend. Are they really… traitors to the sisterhood?

You may hear loud voices in the feminist media saying if you consider yourself strong and empowered, you really only need men to make babies. Just because they’re loud, doesn’t mean they speak for you. Take advice from people who are where you want be!

What if you don’t just want a boyfriend, but a husband?

That’s fine too. No one should feel guilty about their desire for an enduring companionship recognized by law. Same sex couples recently fought and won this right because of their strong belief in the rights and benefits conferred by marriage. They wanted to be able to put a ring on it!

One of the most famous American feminists, Gloria Steinem got married at 66. She felt quite comfortable doing so, stating that the institution of marriage had come a long way, becoming a lot fairer to women. Issues she had spent her life in the service of. It makes sense, right? I mean if I make my living building chairs, does it mean I can’t buy a table? And maybe *gasp* use them together because they compliment each other? 

So no guilt, okay?


Now you know this a judgment free zone I have to add a caveat:

Own this desire. Work on fulfilling it, but don’t hold your life hostage to it.

It’s ok to desire the sense of protection from another, but develop the skills to support yourself financially. Some women are shackIed in relationships because leaving would render them homeless. What would the suffragettes say?  That’s not strong or empowered. Especially in these modern times.

Own the desire, but don’t be a slave to it. As I’ll explain later, you’ve got to be able to assert yourself with men to get the quality relationship you want.

Your life doesn’t start “for real” when you’re in a relationship or married. Your life is now. Start living for you. Do the things you’ve been meaning to do, but be intentional about carving out time to meet guys.

As women, our lives are all about BALANCE.

When I hear of women too busy building their careers to date, I wonder how they plan to balance a career with marriage? And what about *gasp* kids? As women, wives, and mothers, our lives STAY a juggling act and

There's no way to have it all, all the time. That's the messy truth. #balanceClick To Tweet

If you want a relationship you’ve got to intentionally carve out time to socialize where you’ll meet new people, even if you’re busy. #balance.

balance doesn’t have to look perfect to work




Start intentionally dating sooner than later.

Because another messy truth is there are more guys checking for you when you’re younger. Put off dating with purpose too long, and your dating pool will be sparser. And less attractive. Once you know you want to be married, you’re much more likely to find the right person when you start to date intentionally, regardless of your age or where your career is.  And what’s more, juggling a career with dating is great practice for juggling a career with a husband and kids. Kids you can raise to treat women with fairness and respect.

So get out this weekend and meet new people. In real life. Remember, people have fought for the right to be married. If you want it, own it and start dating with purpose!


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